Have you had your brush with swimsuit season yet?

It's hot here in Texas, so there's no avoiding it.

What secrets do you have to buying the perfect suit?

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

Answers

I have not worn a swimsuit since I was literally a child. As in, pre-pubertal. The very idea of exposing all 4 of my limbs at the same time in a public place kind of gives me hives. And it's not that I think anything's wrong with my body, I just can't deal for some reason. It helps that I don't really know how to swim, so for any beach or pool-related events (of which there are not many) I can get away with just wearing shorts and sticking my feet in. I'm more the gin-and-tonics-in-the-cabana type anyway...

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

The secret to buying a swimsuit is this: take a dear friend along. A dear friend who will tell you the truth about your butt in a swimsuit, no matter how painful or hurtful it might be. A dear friend who, when asked point blank "Does this make me look fat?", will say "NO! It looks great on you!" *grin*

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

Pamie

In my humble opinion, the best way to get over the whole "it's time to buy a bathing suit" thing is to order it through a catalog. You can try it on in the privacy of your own home and in REAL light, not that crap in the dressing room that makes you want to kill yourself. Besides, I can't buy bikinis they sell together anyway as I am a 36D on top and a size 8 bottom. Victoria's secret has these great separates and you wind up spending about the same amount ($80 plus s&h). I have been doing this for the past 2 years and I LOVE their swimsuits. They are sexy and give support and I do not have to worry about popping out or boob overspill on the sides (and here is a little hint -- even though I am a 36D cup I can get away with a 38C cup if that is the highest the top goes and I REALLY want it -- and you can't tell the difference, it still supports and covers) As for the bottoms, they usually run S, M, L so I just go with what my underwear size is. Anyway, I got two great suits for this season (and Tae-bo has helped my self-esteem and attitude, which is like, 90% of wearing a bathing suit anyway). Hope this helps.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

pamie, I have no idea what to do about swimsuits this year. I haven't bought a suit in years and I really need a new one, so I went to Foley's ... and all the suits this year have tons of padding in the chest area. It looks ridiculous for a normally flat-chested woman to have these big ol' falsies poking out, and I can't wear a bikini. Too much tummy. The only one-piece tank suit I could find without falsies was a Nike suit for $70 and I hate that swoosh, anyway. I didn't even make it to the trying-on stage. Arrrrrrrrrgh!

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

Well, Australia has just gone through the swimsuit problem and I solved the whole issue quite quickly after having to purchase one.

Here's the key - at the same time you buy your swimmers, buy a XXXL T- Shirt. Wear both at all times. No problem. If anyone asks why - say you don't want to die a painful death from skincancer. Works for us in the skincancer capital of the world!

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

I got a really gorgeuos suit by SPEEDO at a discount store for $50 or so. I'm never thrilled to put a suit on for ultiple reasons. But this one is way cool, so I'll survive.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

I don't have too many problems buying suits, even two piece suits as long as they come in different sizes. I just try not to look in the mirror while I'm doing it. (I definitely never look at the rear view. Why do I need to know how ugly my butt looks?)

The problem is wearing them in public. I bought a really cute bathing suit a while ago, with those little boy-cut shorts, and reportedly it looks good on me (meaning I get molested immediately whenever I put it on in the house). But I can't bring myself to do anything that requires a swimsuit, so it's just about out of style and I've still never worn it! Same goes for the nifty one piece vintage suit I bought three years ago ... I think I've worn it once.

Oh, well. Maybe I'll wear it to watch cartoons next Saturday.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

i actually do wear a long sleeve shirt and shorts in the pool. but that's just my mad paranoia, and i'm always the odd one out. i do, honestly, realize that wearing *clothes* in the pool is more glaring than dweeby arms and legs ever could be, but ya know. it's all mental. in west edmonton mall, however, i wore a swimsuit. my mom was proud.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

Isn't the entire idea of a swimsuit sort of odd? I mean, for men, it's not such a big deal- they essentially wear shorts. But for women, we're expected to wear the equivilent (or less) of our undergarments- out in public. Shopping for undergarments isn't all that difficult- only a select few will see us and they're going to like it. However, take that feeling of intimacy and safety and imagine yourself wearing those very same undergarments in a public location and some anxiety might arise.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 1999

Well, granted guys essentially wear shorts, but that is also what they wear for underwear. You know, boxers... And there are guys that wear little speedos, too. However, I DO hate swimsuit season. I have always dreaded it, thinking that, at 19, I have horribly obvious cellulite and my legs are way too fat. Speaking of cellulite, all I have to say to that is: WHY??? WHY??? WHY???

-- Anonymous, May 18, 1999

Well, it's bloody freezing in London, so swimsuits are far from my mind, but we had our honeymoon in Malaysia a couple of months ago, and I realised beforehand that my swimsuits (or 'togs' as NZers call them) were too ugly for frolicking around in front of my beloved, so when in NZ before the wedding I did the trying on thing. The real secret is to just take absolutely ages and try on everything in sight, because if you try on 20 bikinis, one is bound to be halfway decent.

Another good trick is to lose a stone and a half beforehand, because you're terrified that too many winter hot chocolates will have meant you won't fit your wedding dress, but this method is not to be generally advised.

As far as bikini styles go, don't go for those boy-leg pants, as they make all but the slimmest legs look tree-trunk like. And really high cut styles aren't very flattering either - the most flattering style is in between the two. Always buy bikinis on the generous side - skimpy bikini tops are a pain in the neck when you're trying to splash around.

The other top tip I can offer is to surround yourself by elderly women is skimpy bikinis and pairs of togs, as the sight of acres of winkled, flapping flesh will make you look trim, taut and terrific.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 1999

Swimsuits! Yuck! Ick! I took a water aerobics class all winter long, though, so I didn't get even a hint of respite from the trying-on of suits this year. (Luckily, no-one goes to a water aerobics class to scope babes, or I'd have been laughed right out of the water.)

I'm short and fat and all swimsuits look equally hideous on me. My solution was to buy the cheapest suit I can find (around $30) because the chlorine in the pool was just going to disentigrate the suit in three months anyway.

But speaking of men's suits... When I was in college, I dated this guy, and one summer he took a job at the apartment complex where I lived as a lifeguard. I really don't like being out in the sun for very long (I have very light-sensitive eyes, and there's nothing fun or attractive about squinting) but I would come out every so often to sit for a few minutes, only to find him engaged in flirting with the Pretty Young Things at the pool. Once, when he didn't see me come in and sit at his table (there was no real lifeguard station), I saw him doing push-ups for the PYTs. I'm sure he *thought* they were giggling because they were so overcome by his manly display, but I'm pretty sure the real reason was that his testicles were hanging out the bottom of his too-short trunks... (And may I say - YUCK!)

DAMN, but I'm glad I broke up with him... ::grin::

-- Anonymous, May 18, 1999

Have to disagree about the boy cut trunks ... I have really skinny legs but no waist and a flat butt, and boy cut trunks are the best thing in the world for me. They are the only item of clothing capable of making me look like I have a cute butt.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 1999

I was just thinking about writing in about boy cut trunks as well, because that's what I got.

I find them to be great because they don't ride up and wedge like all those other bathing suits do. The trunks cover just what I want covered, and hold everything where I want it.

I think my legs will always look like tree trunks, anyway because of my GIANT CALVES, so what are you gonna do, right?

-- Anonymous, May 18, 1999

My best tip to draw attention from GIANT CALVES? Go topless. Nah, just kidding.

On the boy leg trunk front, I've had a re-think. This style definitely receive bonus points for the lack of defuzzing involved in wearing it.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 1999

ICK!!! I hate swimsuit season. Last year I got lucky and found a suit that makes me look halfway decent so of course I'm hanging on to that one. Who designs these things? There are so many "ugly" suits out there and no amount of TAE BO is going to help. I've just made peace with my body and now we have to go to war again because it just won't look right in that cute suit that I want so badly.

I'm glad that you guys have found the boy trunks work for you. They just didn't do it for me. Anything that could go wrong did go wrong with me and my boy trunks bikini. This year if I do go for a bikin it will be the tank top kind.

Why does summer have to be so long in Texas?

-- Anonymous, May 19, 1999

Why exactly do they call them boy-cut? I mean besides the obvious longer-more skin coverage thing. Is that all it is? Because no boy I know would be caught dead in those clingy hotpants. Yeah-that's it; why don't they just call them hotpants? That is basically what they are, right? And you know what? No guy, even buff boys, should be caught dead in speedo's. I know that I'm a guy and all, but do some women really find this a turn-on? We are talking about lean meat machines here; not dough boys--lets just ignore them and hope they go away. So- a good looking hunk in a speedo; does any girl actually like this? If you are a guy, and you like it I don't want to know about it. I wish jams were still in. *sigh*

-- Anonymous, May 20, 1999

I think they call them boy cut because they look like those goofy boy trunks you occasionally see in old surfer movies. But you're right, they're really hot pants.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 1999

So many swimsuit problems... sounds like any number of recent "Cathy" comicstrips...

Problem would disappear if people would just swim nude. Now I must confess that I have not been to a clothing optional beach in years, but throughout the seventies and into the early eighties used to swim at a clothing optional lake associated with a university. No fashion problems, just needed a bit more sunscreen than at more traditional beaches. After a short time the nudity seems normal and regular beaches seem strange.

But I've not bought a swimsuit in years and years... just wear running shorts to the beach...

-- Anonymous, May 30, 1999

Dude! This year I want an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini! Mind you, I think I'd react about the same way "she" did in the song. Weight gain happens... and not just to everyone else. But I promised myself this year I would have one, and I'll be damned if my "freshman pounds" are going to stop me!

-- Anonymous, June 15, 1999

I'm too skinny and pale to wear a swimsuit in public. I'd look like a redheaded "Wednesday" in a bikini and that really fucks with people's beach, beer-binge drinking.

I just don't scream California babe. Darn.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 1999

Not only do i not scream California babe, since i live here I wouldn't mind screaming at them once in a while. :) No kidding, crawling the beaches are 90 lb beauties in bikinis who look like they've never worried about a sneaky pubic hair or a cherry Garcia tummy in their lives. but it is all mental, because once you get over it you remember how fun the beach can be. And i'm all about the surfer shorts. They are cute enough to make short legs look-if not long-athletic.heehee.

jesse jesse

-- Anonymous, August 03, 1999